Going Superhero...

It may be considered blasphemy by some to learn that I really, really don’t like summer. Summer is my least favourite time of year.

In Autumn, Winter and Spring you don’t have to wear several thousand layers of sunscreen every waking moment of daylight to keep from becoming red like an overdone lobster.  You are not in a constant state of dehydration due to sweating and you don’t have to complete change up your work wear to accommodate not being able to wear sleeveless dresses without a cardigan.

Summer is the time of year when people who are blessed without the good ol’ Irish complexion show off their ability to gain a bit of colour without having to go all red and painful first. Summer is the time of year when fashion designers only design shorts for people with Really Good Legs. I have been on the hunt for a new pair of shorts for about three years, I am yet to find a pair this season that cover my arse. I am not a tall person, I am just over 5ft 2”, finding shorts that at least cover the very top parts of my stumpy little legs shouldn’t be that hard right? Right?

Dead wrong.

Apparently this season comes to you courtesy of denim underwear with the pockets hanging out the leg like misplaced testicles. Make sure you always wear your best undies because the rest of the world will be able to see them no matter what you do. We will see the waistband creeping over the top of your hipster shorts and should you need to bend over, your outwear will simply move to let those knickers take the spotlight.

Now, I’m not saying that they always look bad…. Wait… no that’s exactly what I’m saying. They always look bad.

When I was at work the other day a young lass came in wearing these “pants”. To start with she was a healthy looking human being, which is to say she was an average height, fit looking, not a lot of extra fat. In anything else she would have looked absolutely stunning, instead her underwear shorts said “look at my owner’s enormous thighs!”. The other problem was that I don’t think she was wearing any underwear, as an entire shop full of people were treated to a view of her pubic hair when she bent over. Its pretty hard to ignore something like that.

I think that if you are going to go and wear underwear as outerwear you should at least go superhero. Get some leggings, whack your undies on the outside and give yourself a superhero name. People will still be staring at you, but it will be because they think you’re a weirdo, not because they can see your hoo-ha and they’re not sure if you know that.